Joke of The Week for Week Ending January 5, 2007

How to relax after Christmas....

 When you  occasionally have a really bad day, and You just need to take it out on  someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone  you don't know.

 I was sitting at my desk when I remembered  a  phone call I'd forgotten to make. I  found the number and dialed  it.

 A man answered, saying  "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could  I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get  the right ***ing  number!" and the phone was  slammed down on me.  

 I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to Call her, I found that I had accidentally  transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her,

 I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy  answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.   I wrote his number down with the word  'asshole' Next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or       had a  really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an  asshole!"

 It always cheered me  up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought  my Therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called  his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the  telephone company. I'm calling To see if you're familiar with our Caller  ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down  the phone. I quickly called him back and said,  "That's Because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

 One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into  a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me  off and pulled Into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn  and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored  me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back  window, so I wrote down his number. A  couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his  number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole,  too.  I said, "Is this the man with the black  BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it  is.   asked, "Can you tell me where I can see  it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd,  in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex, and the car's parked right out in  front." I asked, "What's your name?"   He said, "My name is Don  Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch  you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening  after five."  I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell  you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"  Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial,  too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two  assholes to all. Then I came up with  an idea. I called asshole #1

 He said,  "Hello."

 I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I  didn't hang up.)

 He asked, "Are you  still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me,"I said, "Make me," He asked,  "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don  Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"   I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd,  in Fairfax, a yellow duplex, I have a black Beamer arked in front."   He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.  And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and  hung up.

Then I called Asshole  #2. He said, "Hello?"  I said, "Hello, asshole," He  yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I  said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick  your ass,"I answered, "Well, asshole, here's  your chance.  I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,  saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my  way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I  called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in  Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed  over to Fairfax. I got there just in  time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much  better. Anger management really does work.

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Revised: January 01, 2010

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