Joke of The Week for Week Ending September 7, 2001

Thoughts of the Day

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

* So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

* I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?

* The ship sank. Get over it.

* The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

* Keep honking...I'm reloading.

* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

* Hang up and drive.

* I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* Montana: At least the cows are sane.

* God must love stupid people...He made SO many

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else

* THANK YOU for keeping a work-free environment.

* "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

 

Stickers We'd Like To See

* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

* A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

* On the other hand, you have different fingers.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

* Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

* Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

* I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

* He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

* I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

* Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

* It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

* It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

* You can't have everything, where would you put it?

* Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

* It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

* I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

* I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* 42% of all statistics are made up.

* Most people talk to themselves, only special people get answers.

 


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Revised: January 01, 2010