Joke of The Week for Week Ending June 15, 2001

 

I AM CANADIAN
 
 
  Hey.
 
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...  and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or  own a dogsled... and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,  although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
 
I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English and French, NOT American.and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.
 
  I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
  I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.  DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
  AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
 
  A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
  AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
 
  CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
  THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
  AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!
 
  MY NAME IS JOE!!
  AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
  I AM ITALIAN
 
  Ciao...
 
  I'm not a construction worker, a brickie or a cleaner.
  I don't live in a 300 room mansion, or eat pasta every night.
  And I don't drive a HSV Commodore.
  And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Five Dock,
  Although I'm certain they're very very hairy people.
 
  I drink wine...not beer.
  I don't use utensils for pizza.
  I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
  And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
 
  I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car
  during the world cup.
  Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
  Pavarotti IS the best of the three tenors,
  And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!
 
  Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
  The FIRST nation of soccer,
  And the BEST part of Europe!!
 
  My name is Guido !!!
  AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
  I AM PAKISTANI
 
  Allo,
 
  I'm not a taxi driver, a 7-11 or petrol-station attendant.
  I don't go to fleamarkets, or worship elephants,
  or eat with my hands.
  And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohmud from West Ryde,
  Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.
 
  I eat roti....not pita.
  I don't only shower once a week,
  I believe in discounts, not full price.
  And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
 
  I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a
  terrorist siege.
  A turban IS an article of clothing
  Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
  Currie is a VERY tasty dish,
  And it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee, GAUN-dee!!
 
  Pakistan IS a third world country,
  The first nation of Cricket
  And the BEST part of the middle east!!
 
  My name is Raheem!
  AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!
 
 
  I AM CHINESE!
 
  Wai...
 
  I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat
  I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog.
  I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
  And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Ashfield
  Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.
 
  I use chopsticks, not a fork.
  I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
  I believe in giving cash, not gifts
  And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
 
  I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,
  Dim sum IS brunch,
  Gwai-Los ARE white folk
  Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
  And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa
 
  China is the LARGEST country in Asia
  The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
  And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
 
  My name is FUNG!!!
  AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
  and finally........
 
 
  I AM AMERICAN
 
  Wassup...
 
  I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
  And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive
  very well.
  I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
  Although I'm pretty sure they weren't American.
 
  I drink beer, not water,
  I am outspoken, not opinionated,
  Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
  Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
  And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.
 
  I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go
  somewhere.
  Burger King IS fine dining.
  Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
  Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
  I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE,
  and WWF ACTION IS REAL!
 
  The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
  The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
  And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
 
  MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
  AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
  I AM LEBANESE.

  I'm not a hash dealer, mobile phone vendor, or professional night club
  hanger.
  I live with my mum and dad, 5 brothers, 8 sisters, 4 grandparents, 8
  uncles, and their 17 wives.
  I know Mohammed, Abdul and Fady - they are my cousins, mate!
 
  I drink water, not beer - Beer is for Skippy's
  I am loud & stupid, really, really loud & stupid
  Subwoofers make the music, not your poofy 6 x 9's mate.
  Walkinshaw Commodores are the best cars in the world.
  And it's pronounced, "Siiiiiicckkkk maaaaaaaaate", not "Sick Mate"
 
  I can proudly wave my flag from the carpark at Auburn Macca's.
  Kebab is Arabic for "Weet Bix",
  Tabouleh and Homous make my Falaffel better.
  My cousins will kick the shit out of you and your
  mother, any day mate.
  Adidas Tracksuits are "Formal Wear"
  and my mum does not wear army boots
 
  LEBANON is the most fully worked country in all the Middle East
  The First Nation of Kenwood Systems
  And the best part of the Middle East
 
  My name is BASSAM,
  I AM A FULLY SICK LEB MATE!!!!!!!!!

 


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Revised: January 01, 2010