Joke of The Week for Week Ending August 3, 2001

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent
to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the
fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a  rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, one day
this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was
full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he
realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it
wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get
together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing
kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press 90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then
reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected
needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society
has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two
e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel
(if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will
report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will
get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will
develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores
under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.

 


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